Control/panic

I have no structure to my life! Only that which I establish for myself or my body demands (y’know, food, potty). The biophysicist had last-minute business in town yesterday and I had some stress with the quick change in plan. I realized there was no need for my reaction…then I recognized this bit of emotionality began two days ago with the cab fiasco. I wasn’t able to stop it at the moment of recognition: it’s momentum accompanied me into the evening until I got into a random itunes shuffle and started to organize my stuff. I think the silly anxieties are because I’ve never been in such a liminal space. Not that I can recall, anyway. (Perhaps I should say, not one of which I was aware.)
I have extraordinarily generous housing here at Sabanci Üniversitesi, which is a pretty darn fancy facility. I keep thinking of the underground atom smasher in France (I believe I read about it in Dan Brown’s “Angels and Demons”). It’s appropriate, anyway, as CERN works on superconducting magnets and my pal here works on metal ions. I’ll be able to get online with my laptop and use the gym facilities. I saw someone in the lunchroom today that I swore I recognized from the conference but couldn’t place. Tonight I came across her business card, Ayse Öncü!
(Some time ago I signed up on the site “43 things…” and have a few of the “things I’d like to do” sent to me periodically, they come addressed to ”future self” from “past self.” One is “trust more”. It’s almost weird that the more I relax the more things seem to work out . . . although not always how I envision. I’m still adjusting to the disappointment of not being able to go to Iran.)
My last massage appointment (before I left the States) is on my mind. KZ found a rather knotted up on spot in a forearm and said, it’s the Jin Shin Jyutsu spot for control. “Something might be up with that.” Hmmm….
And now I recall that my annoyance with the transportation system was not the first welling of emotion; that had occurred earlier in the day upon preparing to enter the Ayasofia.
AYASOFIA.JPG.jpg
I mentioned the paintings that were on exhibit…I’d love to put them on display, but go look at the artist’s site: Ayten Mungan Polat. She uses the technique called marbling, “trying to tell in a spiritual and abstract way with her own symbols the impressions of life on her and the life itself . . . telling creation . . . “
I found her work moving, this one is titled Love is Lonely Rider. (She gave me permission to photograph.) I’m more and more convinced that the effect (as in effectiveness) of art is contingent on the subjective state of the viewer/receiver &emdash; or maybe that’s just my narrow capacity for appreciation? I know one can learn the technical features that make a work stand out, but if it doesn’t affect you, what’s the point?

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *