“I forget he’s dying.”

Elizabeth said this to me when we had dinner last week. And just now, museumfreak said, “He always sounds so lively in your blogposts.”
Sam is lively. He always has been. Even at his most ill or frustrated, he invested his words, thoughts, and actions in LIFE and LIVING.
He was released from the hospital back to Eden Park this afternoon; feedings through the g-tube are working just fine. However, he has contracted an infection that is worrisome and the nurses have said, “he doesn’t seem to be doing well.”
I’ll spend time with Sam tomorrow and – if he’s awake and alert – read him any blogcomments and emails you send. I doubt I’ll be as brave as Christine was and actually crawl in bed with him (!), but if I can sit across his feet like I did at Xmas it’ll be a cozy way to convey the love.

4 thoughts on ““I forget he’s dying.””

  1. Thanks to Pat and Steph for their up date info. Thanks to Christine for taking on the responsibility and actually being there; and thank you once again to Lou & Tom for all of their support, their willingness to whatever is in their power for Sam. Mom & I can’t thank any of you enoug, and I absolutely know you Sam are really grateful as well.
    Addendum:
    Dr. Daly, Sam’s urologist, visited this morning. He, nor your surgeon Sam, are particularly surprised at the urinary tract infection. Given that your bladder has retained so much urine several times w/in the last 2 weeks, and given that you’ve just been weakened some by the surgical insertion of the g-tube, it appears that is was almost inevitable.
    Bummer I know. Yes, at times you weren’t able to talk to us at the hospital, but any of us who’ve had surgery know that pain killers, antibiotic mixed w/ whatever else can muddle any of our brains.
    I spoke w/ Dr. Gadowsky, your surgeon, this afternoon, and he said that the g-tube feedings had gone well and that they were going to be scheduled at night, to be less intrusive for you. He also said you can eat whatever your little ole heart desires….so I assume that means fried chicken and exotic black olives will be finding there way to your table.
    Yup, folks need to know that you are still on antibiotics, but they kept you a little longer at the hospital to make sure you didn’t have any sensitivities to them, and that in fact they were working, prior to sending you home. Tylenol has worked at bringing any fever down, but you’re one tired puppy. You’ve been thru a hard wkend.
    Please know that everyone who loves you is sending their positive thoughts, prayers, intentions your way. I assume this has been one of your hardest struggles back thus far. I’m so sorry this is so hard. I wish I were there to hug you, massage your feet, try to tell you bad jokes, bring you whatever food or drink you desired, or just “be” with you. I’m there in spirit Sammy. I’m scheduled to fly in on the 24th, if you’d like me to just come and hang w/ you sooner than that, just say the word. If you just want the presence of your friends, not for dialogue, but just for the support and love energy they can surround you with, I believe any of us would come if we can. Just say the word.
    I pray for peace of mind, body, and spirit for you. I love you dearly Sam and realize that you get to decide when or if the battle is too much. Your decision, whatever it may be, will be respected and supported by all who love you; keep staying in your truth. You’ve amazed us all and continue to do so. I’m looking forward to seeing you………..(“hasta la vista” —- “catch you at the look at point.”) Much love and a toast to your courage & to the role model you continue to be for all of us, Jennifer

  2. Sam,
    It’s snowing here.Just like it used to, onto the deck and all around the house. Remember having to dig out the
    . cars and wood for the stoves? Just getting to the house was a challenge. You can do this. Hang in there. But, if it’s time to say goodbye, know that I loved you the best.
    Always here, Jean

  3. Dad writes from “a more serene and contemplative mood in which I can reflect on the times Sam came into our lives and was such an uplifting source of goodwill and good deeds. I hope Sam is at peace with himself and the divine soul that looks over all of us is whispering to him “well done, Sam”.” Sam has told me on a few different occasions, when we were looking back on his life as a whole and some of the specific choices he made that he has “no regrets.” I don’t doubt for a second that his spirit is peace.

  4. Sam, thinking of you and sending love from one of your many SIT friends. It is so wonderful to see how many people you have touched in your life and how many of them are by your side. Love, Karen

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