I dunno. I’m just wondering. Can one “hail” oneself? Can I call forth the valences in “me” that I choose, rather than those that are called forth from others? Of course, I’m pondering the whole parent- and partnerhood thang. The more distance I have (and I don’t think I’m talking about the aesthetic kind!), the more able I become to disengage from the less appealing valences and personalized history that has fed them and perceive “where things went wrong” and hypothesize about why/how. And….this makes me a bit more capable of recognizing when those same valences are being triggered (silence just flips me out; it can be so aggressive and diminishing) and – while being pulled into “old” (repetitive, familiar) emotional patterns – I can imagine that maybe this silence isn’t a disciplinary silence (one designed to let me know that I have transgressed some communicative/relational code) but a “silence” of another kind, for instance, of gathering one’s own resources, of “dealing”, of coming to terms with one’s own subjective tendencies and “choices”. Then again (see here comes the drift!), maybe it’s just an opportunity to solidify the suppression of any residue of affection…no no no, here is the moment….I call to the better parts of my own nature and banish suspicion.

2 thoughts on “self-interpellation?”

  1. It is the line “maybe it’s just an opportunity to solidfy the suppression of any reside of affection” that grabs my attention like a crab wtih a thing for brown meat marbled with fat. In my own bid to find the “truth” in the silences–my own and others–I have sacrificed having peace. But because I must rest, I now leave truth be and settle for its various guises–fantasy, mostly. As George Orwell (my personal muse) once said, (and this is a pharaphrase, not a quote), the only private space are those few cubic inches in your own head. No one gets in. No one sees. No one knows. As an avowed realist with pessimistic theoretical moorings, affection–no matter how slight, no matter how frightening surges and ebbs. Where there is no surge, there is only the vacuum left from the ebbing of the sentimental tide.

  2. and then there’s Stephen, who I just saw, and who said, in response to my question if self-interpellation is possible?
    Gotta LOVE the SUPPORT of my friends! ­čśë

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