It’s gotten a lot more difficult to post in this thread because now I know there actually are people reading along. Maybe you skip over these? Argh. It does feel important to maintain the vision I had when I started this whole thing….first, can I just complain about whoever it was that didn’t remind me of the carrots in my backpack, which liquified and smeared the inputs on my brand new laptop? Which, consequently, wouldn’t even turn on this morning. 🙁
Ok ok. Truth is, emotional life has totally sucked for the past ten days or so. I’m feeling better today – maybe I’ve managed to navigate through this last round (we’ll see). Ruth helped me narrow down a “cause” to the fact of anniversaries. Not only is this the time of year of “the lunch of the shredded napkin” (7 years ago), but it’s also when we moved into the house (4 years ago). I’ve been desperately lonely, despite being thoroughly engaged in academics and wonderfully inspired by my COM250 class (they are really and truly great!) Ingrid was more to the point: “She is living the life you want to live with her but she’s doing it without you.” Yep. Uh huh. Too true. sigh
The strange thing is, however, that its not completely true. I like many aspects of the life I’m living now, but I want that life too. I know I can’t have both at the same time, at least not in the traditional way. But I still think (or have thought) that it was possible to have some of that. And the FP only ever wanted “some” of it anyway.