When I first read your last response, I was surprised that you so strongly asserted the racist claim, since my argument (in prior comments) involves shifting the discourse from an identity-based logic (“I am this,” “You are that,”) to a logic of co-construction: “We are participating in structures of whiteness.” My gut reaction was of being un-heard; it seemed you had missed my point. The emotions associated with that perception are old and familiar. However – unlike most times when an inappropriate response wells up in me, this time I recognized and was able to interrupt my conditioned reaction. This is a small miracle that I want to share!

Last summer I participated in an event and made a fool of myself on several occasions by telling another person something supposedly about them but really about me. For instance, I used to be a really lousy listener, and was pained when I recognized myself in a co-participant. I had always wished someone had had the oomph to get in my face and demand that I pay better attention, so I projected that wish of mine onto someone who I perceived to be in a similar position. Another time I asked someone to watch the weather – and luckily she did, because a storm was brewing that I hadn’t noticed! In both cases, I found myself full of an urge to tell somebody else the exact thing that I needed to be aware of for myself. Neither of them (I’m pretty sure) benefited from these interactions with me. (Ouch.)

Maybe I learned something? This time, instead of writing back to you right away, I recognized the pattern and made myself pause. If what I wanted to say to you was “you missed the point,” maybe the message for me is that I was missing yours! You wrote,

“To be more candid means we must openly admit that we are confused and ashamed to have that honest conversation, and we must also develop a spirit of curiosity and exploration.”

It is embarrassing to admit that I am not sure if we are talking about different things (racism vs whiteness) or the same thing with different labels! I am a professional interpreter, after all! And white – through and through. I’m struggling a bit in the classroom with my students right now because the norms of whiteness – especially that sense of entitlement which justifies individualism, challenges to authority, even blatant disrespect – is totally on display. But they are innocent to their situatedness, and I have to find a way to ease them into this knowledge such that they want to stick with the learning curve rather than reject it out-of-hand. Yet the whiteness sticks to me, too, because I know it: I have lived (acted, behaved, thought about, reacted to) things in the world and other people in essentially the same ways as they are living now. These norms have barely changed in the decades since I was their age, despite obvious institutional improvements.

Where you and I definitely agree regards the conditioning to think of others as different, and not neutrally so, but obscurely – in a way that separates, stereotypes, thereby instilling discomfort and bias. While all these thoughts were muddling around in my brain, my colleague James and I had a workdate. He was preparing to leave and we were exchanging some lingering thoughts on various matters that we routinely consider. Suddenly he popped out with, “Do you think the unconscious is racist?”

I think he’s nailed it!

To be more candid means we must openly admit that we are confused and ashamed to have that honest conversation, and we must also develop a spirit of curiosity and exploration. I admit I’m a racist. I see people who are not of my race as different, and I hear the stereotypical messages that have pervaded my entire life through the media and the people I grew up with when I am in conversation, or engaging with others who are not like me. I hear these messages of separation when I’m interacting with others of another race or culture. I hear myself saying things that are so obviously culture biased and yes, racist, and I feel a deep shame that I am even going there because it is contrary to how I like to see myself as a citizen of the world.Removing the deep discomfort of this conditioned thinking means to be more conscious of what I say and do, without being hypocritical, or biased. I’m not even sure I’m describing this adequately, but it’s a start.

When we speak about “whiteness” we are speaking of privilege, or domination. How do we remove the barriers that exist and have that open conversation. We first of all admit our sense of superiority, and then seek to change it by being open to conversations that will include shame, anger, guilt and anger. All of which may, or may not be justified, none of which is particularly personal, but is definitely societal and cultural.

The Western notion of “whiteness” is particular to Western Europe, but can also be translated to the previously held colonies by virtue of the fact that there would appear to be a need to emulate many of the traits and habits of their colonizers. However, I think that has changed over the last 30 years or so, as more colonized cultures return to their own homogenous roots, which of course, are complicated because it also involves a mixing of races and cultures, and thus divisions.

There is no simple answer to this, but if we can at least start the conversation, as you are doing here, then perhaps we can start to shift the limited and destructive patterns of separation that are currently killing our world.

You really caught my attention during our breakfast conversation at Womensphere’s Global Summit when Debera asked your opinion about diversity training in the workplace. I don’t recall the form of her question, but your answer went directly to the core: “it is a complicated and dishonest conversation.”

Such a diagnosis begs the question: How can we become more candid? My pedagogical philosophy supposes that the first step is getting people to realize there are patterns (norms) that create the basic shape of these conversations. Usually (in my experience), people comprehend patterning on the abstract, generalized level before they can recognize how their own thoughts and words fit into one or another theme. Metaphorically, each theme composes a ’side’ of the overall complex shape (imagine a polygon or a blob, not a simple cube or sphere).

Maybe there are four or five typical ways of talking about “race” and “racism,” and only one or two ways of talking about “whiteness.” As long as we keep talking about race/racism, we keep those old ways of talking alive (so to speak), which inhibits social/structural change. The more we can shift to talking about whiteness, and expand the range of ways in which we can talk about it, the more we improve the chances of stimulating awareness at the social level, which is a necessary precursor to institutional level changes.

What I especially appreciate about your comment above is your statement that whiteness is not a distinctly American issue, but one that pervades Western countries. By Western (just to clarify), do you refer specifically to the countries of Western Europe or also to countries previously colonized by the UK, France, Portugal, Spain, etc?

The argument to be made on whiteness is a strong one and speaks to many of the issues of shame, guilt and burden of a society that has enslaved people for centuries who are not of the same kind. It also speaks to the fear of the ‘other’ as a threat to our whiteness, and thus, consciously or not, there is division that is frequently unspoken. One of the greatest omissions in ‘white’ society is the lack of knowledge of the cultures and mores of the ‘other’ whatever their designation. Since ‘Whitey’ rules, it is perhaps seen as irrelevant to know the ‘other’ in any deep and meaningful way. I approach this subject from a layperson’s viewpoint, having lived in many different Western countries, and seen many of the same behavior throughout. It is not a distinctly American issue, but can be seen in any country where ‘whiteness’ prevails. I have said many times that we are all racist, and appreciate that point above. To have an open and honest discussion about our inherent beliefs, whether they be conscious or unconscious, is becoming essential in our shrinking world. Race matters, insofar as we can all learn how to get along without designating the other as enemy. I hope this made sense.