oh...just me: December 2005 Archives

The Korean acupuncturists wanted me to come back for a second treatment so I did. An indulgence. "Your chi is depleted," said Mrs. Kim, "Your spirit is wandering. We need to help it come back."

I received more moxa in the same places, needles in the same and several more new sites, and an extravagant, custom blend of medicinal tea. I asked for the names of the "more than twenty" goodies placed in neat piles on a tissue paper before being bundled up for brewing. Instead, Mrs. Kim told me what each one is for:

Got treated today for my shoulder, rib cage, and emotions. My tongue and eyes revealed me as "a lung person". Kidneys are also implicated, but they only got one mention. Lung people are prone to melancholy, apparently, and I was admonished: "Don't go to bed with cry. Your ch'i disappears."

In addition to the actual acupuncture, I also received moxabution. "Moxa is a Chinese herb (Mugwort) which is rolled into sticks and burned above the skin ..." (What is Oriental Medicine?)

In addition to salves, needles, and burning moxa in the vicinity of the physical ailments, I received a treatment in the middle of my back for "strong mind." I think it was a bonus. :-)

Little Brother calls during bowling (affection flows back). Blood brother suffers. Parental pathology is passed on. I dream randomly.

SEMP subjected me to the most intensive grilling I’ve yet received over the Informed Consent form for Reflexivity. :-) The beginning point was this “favorite sentence”:

The guidelines used for selecting material have to do with intrasubjectively-perceived salience in the moment,…

The individual words make sense, but what do I mean by stringing them together in this way? Most simply, what I mean is, “I decide”. Yet the consent form puts limits on this power. The different choices people make concerning their own consent establish certain conditions that I commit to operate within – each individual’s decision contributes to a structure of accountability for me. Why do I need to be accountable to others in this way? Why not just rely on my own personal integrity? Because any kind of integrity requires a supporting structure and I’ve had no other. The academic language adds (hypothetically) a precision that seeks to specify the rationale justifying the choices I make.

I’m quizzed about “public” and “private”. “There’s no such thing as privacy,” says Jesus Evil Kachina. Intersubjectivity theorists (whoever these might be, smile) agree: we all mutually co-construct each other through acts of calling (instead of/in addition to "mission", also identity: interpellation). In commonsense terms, one could say we do this through culture (norms, values, etc).

“I don’t know if I want to be a blog! “ A log? A bog? “It sounds like a glob.!” A lob?

You can pick your nose.

Put that in your blog and smoke it!

~ SEMP

Jesus Evil Kachina tested me. Do you want world peace? I do. Are you at peace with yourself? Getting there. The last eight days, yes. Thank you.

While driving, I talked with Shemaya about gut feelings and the trick of learning to distinguish between the “gut” that’s reactive defensiveness and the “gut” that’s intuitive guidance. She explained “the enteric brain” to me (note especially the section on The Third Neurotransmitter: serotonin), which I hadn’t heard about before. We agreed it’s probably connected (somehow) to the biochemical pathways in the mind that channel consciousness.

It was an 11 hour drive from Brattleboro, VT to Columbus, OH, with the longest stretch across mid-state New York. Dry in the beginning and end, I encountered rain midway across NY which persisted until the Pennsylvania state line.

I spent most of the time listening to The Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver. It is strangely suitable, with the preface mentioning something about this being a book for those with "wildness" inside. :-)

Ila kept me waiting (!) once I got to Columbus, which was fine as it gave me time to locate the Ugly Tuna Saloona. (We plan to check it out tonight as it was closed yesterday.) Now, we're off to the Franklin Park Conservatory and Botanical Gardens (she's quite worried about being a proper host and taking me sightseeing). What a sweetie! :-)

I left at 6:35 to drive to the sunwheel. The sky was already lightening up but headlights were still in order. My mind drifted. When I got close, the stones hove into view, and a moment later, a tightly-gathered crowd of 50 people. The stones were gorgeous but the cluster of people took my breath away. I wasn't expecting that.

I pulled on my outer layers (17 degrees F, - 8 Celsius) and opened the car door to laughter. Forty-eight of the folks gathered were from a middle school in Springfield; great kids. :-)

Professor Young from the Astronomy Dept at UMass explained her brainchild, the perseverance it took to complete it over a decade (including two false starts), and then taught us five facts about the winter solstice and more.

A slight curve in trajectory and day begins to lengthen.

Will happiness, too? I've eschewed therapy (a.k.a. grief counseling) since spring. A few stalwart friends and poetry have seen me through.

The sun is supposed to rise tomorrow at 7:16 AM.

is the subject of today's quote from the Word-A-Day site. Anuj has it updating daily on his blog (I'm jealous of all his tricks).

Intolerance of ambiguity is the mark of an authoritarian personality. -Theodor Adorno, philosopher and composer (1903-1969)

Adorno is big in theories of mass communication. Anyway, inability to deal with uncertainty can also be the mark of insecurity. Perhaps the two often go hand-in-hand? Or, one looks like the other...

I've been guilty of the latter, ain't no doubt about it (sing a song of regret). The former? Heck, I like leading and being followed but I've always been extraordinarily uncomfortable when it was without open contest.

Tangent a.k.a. multi-tasking.

So much thinking recently on the necessity of (what I keep referring to as) an emotional/social infrastructure. Maybe there are folks in the world who've succeeded at living highly ethical lives without being embedded in such, but it remains a struggle for me. I imagine folks have, otherwise my self-judgment couldn't be so harsh, could it?

I've got this fairly simple equation going: neglect (neither censure nor encouragement) fosters anomie. In this void, 'self' (however conceived?) must be shielded by various forms of defensive/protective insularity. Joining an infrastructure requires certain skills not fostered in an environment of neglect. Some folks are undoubtedly much quicker studies than me!

One of those skills is trust.

Had to take a break from writing writing writing and do some reading. Jumped ahead to Lila Abu-Lughod, Veiled Sentiments, which I've been wanting to read for two years and finally it's been assigned.

"The sentiments of ordinary discourse are congruent with the ideology of honor and modesty. The sentiments generally expressed in poetry suggest a self that is vulnerable and weak, a self moved by deep feelings of love and longing. These are not at first glance the sentiments of proud and autonomous individuals, nor are they the sentiments of chaste individuals" (34).

The New York NPR affiliate had some fundraising spots while I was driving to UNH this morning. During one transition, the announcer seamlessly, rhythmically, made the preceding statement. I am sure one of his kids was in a swim meet! Sweet. :-)

"Being bodies that learn language
thereby becoming wordlings
humans are
the symbol-making, symbol-using, symbol-misusing animal
inventor of the negative
separated from our natural condition
by instruments of our own making
goaded by the spirit of hierarchy
acquiring foreknowledge of death
and rotten with perfection"

Also by Kenneth Burke. Check out the cool plaques too.

"In the beginning, there was universal Nothing.
Then Nothing said No to itself and thereby begat Something, which called itself Yes.
Then No and Yes, cohabiting, begat Maybe.
Next all three, in a menage a trois, begat Guilt.
And Guilt was of many names:
Mine, Thine, Yours, Ours, His, Hers, Its, Theirs--and Order.
In time things so came to pass that two of its names, Guilt and Order,
Honoring their great progenitors, Yes, No, and Maybe, begat History.
Finally, History fell a-dreaming and dreamed about Language--
(And that brings us to critics-who-write-critiques-of-critical-criticism.)"

by Kenneth Burke