I just articulated something about looking at privilege in COM118's blog that feels like the "end of the conversation" to me. Maybe getting to the point of being able to formulate this was a big part of what's kept me holding on to that group. Now, it feels "done." I've reached closure.
group dynamics: February 2004 Archives
I saw Eric yesterday (from COM118) and had a moment of cognitive dissonance - "old" student or "new" student? Then Katie emailed me today for her grade (I hope SPIRE is working). I'm feeling the loss of ending...aware that the new group (COM250) hasn't gotten their momentum up yet, and also that the developmental dynamics are quite different because we meet in 50 minute blocks instead of 2.5 hour sessions. Even we did meet for the same period of time the dynamics would be different, but its the pace of development that I'm needing to adjust to, as well as trying to not let the ending process from 118 influence the beginning of 250. Only one day in between was not enough!
Meanwhile, a few folk are still reading 118's blog!
Homework for 794M, Race, Pedagogy, Performance and Pragmatism.
Responding to the question about what brought me here, I first wonder which ěhereî to focus upon: to this class? To an interest in ěRî and the 3 ěPísî? To education in general?
While Vernonís story privileged the passion for learning and its potentials, my story privileges identity. I doubt I would be here if I hadnít spent the first 30 years of my life dealing with US societyís treatment of lesbians, and the last 15 wondering about my own contributions to oppressive conditions as a white, able-bodied, hearing, raised middle-class person. (Thereís about a fiveńyear overlap, Iím 40 now.)
I experienced my public education indifferently. I was smart enough to do ok and not be a problem so no one paid any particular attention to me. I got excited about school for my AA (in Sign Language Studies) and BS (Interpreting) because a passion was triggered. I took advantage of grants targeted at filling an employment and access gap. So, in my younger years I was produced in a disembodied way, and in college I was produced as a worker.
Critical thinking wasnít introduced to me as a way of constructing knowledge until my Masterís degree (here at UMass in Social Justice Education), and I didnít really ěget itî thenÖonly now, in my second year of study in COM, do I feel that I am starting to grasp the ëbig pictureí of schooling as an institutional force on the construction of identity, particularly in terms of subjectivity. What seems challenging to me is how to use the language of ěraceî ń be able to draw attention to differences and validate them ń without reifying new structures of prejudice (as Joanna cautioned last night in class). Talking about subjectivities seems to me to be one way, however there still comes the matter of patterns and generalities (not stereotypes). Donal emphasizes the presence of BOTH ěcommonalitiesî and ěparticularitiesî and this seems especially relevant in our context.
With what terminology or vocabulary can we address whiteness? And, whenever we name whiteness arenít we also referencing blackness and latinidad andÖit seems important to me to keep in mind what weíre not saying as well as what we are saying.
Returning to me as a product of my schooling, there is no doubt in my mind that the primary reason I am ěhereî now is because I am white. There was enough privilege going for me that I could drift through the first 25 years of my life completely disassociated from any connection between my own phenomenological experience and everyone elseís. Even after I ěwoke upî, I still screwed up more times than I care to recall and yet look, ěhereî I am! In some ways I am still ědriftingî ń although I recognize the depth and breadth of competition among intellectuals, the strategy of waiting until something moves me to the next thing is still my predominant mode. I do some planning, certainly I look towards what Iíd like to do in the future and this influences choices I make now, but there is still a reservoir of belief that things will just work out, one way or another.
