foolishness

Well.

Denise especially gave me a raft of shit for thinking that doing stuff around the house might make a difference. I still go back and forth. Part of me thinks, maybe, it's still possible that pathology can be recognized for what it is (especially, has been), and changed. Part of me accepts that all my efforts are simply that, MY efforts, and essentially meaningless to the family I chose.

I'm also aware of feeling particularly vulnerable online these days. Although I haven't "told all", I've certainly told a lot more than most would. I'm feeling exposed. I'm a low-context, pseudo middle-class girl (as in really working class?) I don't even know. I do know that emotions have had a heck of a lot to do with how I've chosen to live my life. Not very rational - although I can do rationalization out the wazoo. Subjectively, how I *feel* has driven much, if not most, of what I've done. I think one skill I'm learning these days is to put the emotions themselves into a larger context.