Several weeks ago Stephen asked me to explain my vision/purposes for this weblog. Iím still working on my own articulation ñ mostly I recognize in other peopleís writings both what it is Iím trying to do and who I am in making the attempt. Iíll spare everyone the extensive quotations today. :-)
As a form, blogs appealed to me as soon as I learned about them because of my penchant for science fiction. As a tool, I immediately grasped the potential for putting my ideas and myself ìout thereî as an invitation to connect with like-minded people. Does anyone else think/care about some/all/any (!) of the things I think/care about? Practically, it also seemed like a way I could further relationship with my cohort since most of them got/get to hang with each other in person much more often than me, separated as I am by distance. Since I began, Iíve imagined other networks of folks with whom I can connect in this way (i.e., friends of my Uncle Sam ñ although I havenít been as diligent with this as I intend, those in/interested in the Deaf World, students of courses I teach, etc.).
In addition to this relational function, I also had another, intuitive sense of what a blog could do, and this is still unfolding to my own consciousness. It has to do with intersubjectivity and dialectic, with recognizing myself as a product of the education and learning processes of the Communication Department, mixed with my forays into the School of Management, interactions with my peers, my family life, intellectual and professional work as a sign language interpreter, consultant, etc. Itís an attempt to capture and represent the becoming-ness of who I am and who I will be, in a forum that maximizes the potential for other viewpoints.
I suppose, perhaps, it is an attempt to de-center my own primacy in the construction of my ìselfî - ? ñ if such is possible? While obviously my words about what I see, feel, think, reflect upon, etc. produces a knowledge about who I am, doing it publicly provides at least the opportunity for others to disabuse me of thoughts/impressions that donít reflect their sense of reality, or conflict with their perceptions. If, as postmodernism asserts, there is no such thing as an autonomous, a priori self (despite Western historical and narrative constructions of such), then Iím trying to chart my own journey to another conception of identity that isÖmore democratic? That recognizes Iím constituted as much by others as by myselfÖ That seeks to honor others in the construction of ìmeî as much as my socialization to this point encourages me to privilege my own point-of-viewÖ
To this end, in the blog Iím mainly trying to track my intellectual development ñ so much of what I wrote just last year is embarrassing now, but isnít that LIFE? Iím trying to avoid too much self-censorship and impression management (though plenty of it still operates, undoubtedly)Öbecause if the object of study is my subjectivity per se, then the embarrassing, private, non-academic aspects count just as much. (Even if I donít want them to.) The easiest things to post are those about thinking and working. Harder are those things that are emotional, relational (in all their glory and pain), and, at the furthest extreme, sexual. Frankly, Iím trying to get thereÖ.but my articulation of what I imagine here is weakest of all. Iím not quite ready to put this ìagendaî item on the public display table ñ yet. ;-)
As I pursue this path and continue posting here, I find myself sometimes filled with anxiety about what ìmight happenî as a result of exposing some vulnerabilityÖor stupid ideaÖor naÔve optimism, orÖ.THAT list is endless. Who might seek to use it to hurt me? I can think of one in particular who might try. Other times Iím filled with a sense of potential, that the risk is worthwhile, that whatever embarrassments and humiliations I thus invite upon myself wonít do me in, but rather become the grist for further growth ñ just another part of ìthe stuffî of life.
